Random Generation

It's just one of those mornings...

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Does setting aside two hours of my day to style my wigs make me seem like a drag queen??

TRANsition

I noticed today that it hurts when I run...at first I was like "What the hell??" But then, common sense kicked in and I said "Oh.  My boobs must be bigger." 

One of my favorite parts about transitioning is all of these moments where little things have such a huge impact on me.  Like the other day, I found a picture of "Ryan" from highschool.  Being able to pick out all of the subtle differences between my facial features then and now;  It was enough to bring a tear to my eye.

I'm trying desperately to get a camera, that way I'll be able to record the changes in my physical state and have more of these "oh gawsh, I'm changing." moments!!

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Random Generation

The Triplets of Belleville has long been a favorite of mine, but today I downloaded a copy with no subtitles.  I didn't think the film could be more powerful, but when you can't rely on dialogue to figure out what's going on...the true message becomes that much stronger.  Below is a clip from one of my favorite scenes.  Check it out, and watch the rest for yourself.  I highly recommend an unsubtitled version for your first viewing.

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Random Generation

I've recently heard quite a few people talking about Tegan & Sara's new album Sainthood, and most of them haven't had nice things to say.  Most of the comments were along the lines of "Well, it's not that it's bad...It just isn't like their old stuff."  I must say, I agree.  However, I think that it's a good thing that Sainthood is different.  I've always been a fan of the Quin's but after a while I did begin to realize that a lot of their music was basically "indie" music for emo kids.  They've always been different, but upon closer inspection I noticed that their music wasn't really as mature as it could have been.  Whether or not they intended to develop such a juvenile image is beside the point, because that is exactly what they did.  Well, I am glad to say that Sainthood is a much needed break from the musical adolescence of their past albums.  Tracks like "Alligator" and "On Directing" seem to traveled quite far from the almost playground repetitive melodies of past tracks like "Walking with a Ghost."

Take a listen for yourself and let me know what you think [super cute video!!]

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TRANsition

I instantly feel bad for complaining...so consider this...A RETRACTION!!

Here's some super smooth Shugo to make up for it!!



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TRANsition

My nipples hurt, my hips and sides are sore, my back hurts, I'm irritable, I can't stop crying, I'm constantly cold, and I have three times my normal appetite.

FUCK.MY.LIFE.

Random Generation

It's probably not healthy that I've only listened to one song [and all of it's remixes] all day...Weirder still, is that it's not even my favorite song...

Oh well.

Here are just a few of my favorite mixes of "Ce Jeu".  The last one is my favorite, so I'm not quite sure why I didn't embed it first...

Happy Listening!!

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Anyone who hasn't already seen/heard Taylor Momsen's band The Pretty Reckless needs to get on that like, uhm, nowish. The Gossip Girl starlet has a voice unlike the poppy perfectionists with whom she shares the spotlight. Scratchy, raw, and more powerful than should be possible in a sixteen year old...just might be my favorite actress singer switch to date!!

 FAVORITE TRACK--> Blender.

Enjoy!!

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TRANsition

Today I noticed that my hips were sore, and it only took me a minute of self reflection to realize that they've been sore for a while, and I just haven't noticed.  That is something I've always had problem with...I'd notice that I had a huge bleeding gash and upon furhter introspection would go "oh shit...that's been there for hours!!"  I realize this doesn't really seem like too serious an issue, but let me assure you, it has it's problems.  For example, by the time I realize I have to pee, I've been holding it for hours.  I've had moments where I've almost passed out and I'm lucky my bladder has never burst.  I'm not too sure why my brain doesn't pick up on my body's physical distress calls, but I'm just going to put it in the box labled "ignore it till it kills ya"  along with my chronic dry heaves and my almost divine ability to find food that inexplicably contains potassium[which I can't have].

Oh well

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Random Generation

I'm finally back within computer capabilities, and so I will resume posting very very shortly!!  Also, I plan on posting more pictures on here than I have so far, because let's face it...a post with no photos just looks naked!!

Heads up!!

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If you've never had the opportunity to drive in the rain at night, Sigur ros playing softly in the background...I highly suggest you take the next available opportunity and give it a shot.

Fuck uptown, fuck downtow...electrocity is making midtown the mother fucking place to be!!

The fashion show went amazingly well tonight, and I'll be damned if I look a mess in any of them photos!! I'm sure people are wondering who the hell stands casually up on one toe with an arched back...Haha...this bitch!!

Ok. So, today i'm working a fashion show. My technical title is backstage assistant, which would mean I would run around doing errands for the event organizers. However, because the event organizer is a model in the show and already has minimal experience...I will most likely end up workings as runway coordinator, wardrobe manager, model director, and overall show supervisor. Do I mind...hell no!! I love what I do, and it's a field I'm quite skilled in. I'd honestly probably be bored and miserable if i ended up only doing the small tasks expected of me. Here goes nothing.

Looking forward to being busy!!

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Just So's Ya Know's

I will be in Memphis Tennessee this weekend, and as such most [if not all] of my posting will be done by mobile. 

Looking forward to an ah-MAZING weekend!!

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Random Generation

So, I'm not quite sure exactly how I managed to stumble upon this...but it does indeed look like a potentially interested but of "cinema."  Hmm...I wonder if Black Lodge has it.

Intrigued...

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Random Generation

I recently made a playlist titled Roadtrippin Vol. 1.  One of the key pieces in that playlist is "AM 180" by Grandaddy.  I first heard this song in the car of a friend of mine's, and then later found out it is featured in a beautiful scene in the movie "28 Days Later".  I've always thought this song was great to drive to, and this video just further proves my point.

Check it and enjoy.

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TRANsition

When I took printmaking in college, I studied transgenderdism as a theme and learned that within communities of clownfish there exists a large breeding female, a small breeding male, and a large group of smaller non-breeding males.  If for any reason the female dies or leaves, the breeding male transitions into the role of breeding female, and one of the smaller males transitions into the role of breeding male.  In all cases of gender changes in the animal kingdom, this is one of the most interesting, because it is one in which not all members of the communtiy consistantly posess the potential for change.

I have therefor selected an image of Clownfish for the heading image of my TRANsition posts.

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TRANsition

My tits are so sore today that every time I bump them I feel like I'm going to scream...I hear it gets worse from here.  Oh well, at least they're growing.

I've noticed that the hair on my legs doesn't grow as fast either and the texture seems to be changing.  It's not a HUGE change in growth, but it's enough that I know I didn't get screwed over and stuck with Mexican Pez or whatever!!

So...In pretty much exactly 45 hours I will be in Memphis and FINALLY get to be in 24 hour girl mode.  I love my job, and my family...but it can be pretty anxiety inducing to be called "Ryan" all the time.  I understand that my "kids" are too young to try and explain the circumstances to so I had no problems with the conditions of my contract ["Laet'li" does not exist around the children]...I'm starting to realize that I completely underestimated the staggering amount of time I would have to be ...a boy!!  This, coupled witht the fact that my fiance and I ended a three year relationship less than a month ago...makes for a very stressed out and unmotivated Laet'li.  My work has suffered, school has suffered, and even my art took a hit or two...but I guess that's to be expected in my situation.

This weekend is much needed, and will be used to its full therapeutic benefit!!  I can't wait to see my Sister and all of my friends [and lovers haha] and maybe I'll get lucky and get to see Moms*!! 

Look out ladies...here she comes!!

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*I will talk about two different moms in this blog...Bio is my biological mother who I bitched about in my other blog.  She told me I'd never be her daughter and so Laet'li was left motherless.  Moms is the mother of my best friend/sister Khalifa.  Before even meeting me she made it very clear I was now one of her children, and has done more for me since than most people have done in my lifetime.

So...I thought about it today, about Mr. McQueen's untimely demise and the already depressing loss of Yves St Laurent. I've decided that Rei Kawakubo and Vivienne Westwood are not allowed to die...At least, not until AFTER I've met them.

I'm watching you two.

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I'm beginning to wonder if all this snow is supposed to be a metaphor for my life. All my life I've had seasons, both environmental and emotional. There was always a winter, just as there were always happier days. Being able to confidantly anticipate a morning covered in snow was much like knowing, somewhere in the back of my mind, that a happier day would come. When it comes to personifying the seasons, winter usually gets typecast as the bitter depressive character...but in my world, the rare beauties in the winter landscapes always struck me as the ultimate optimistic presence. Just as with happiness, snow could come at any time and in varying strengths...but in my life I had been conditioned to KNOW that it would come eventually. This was a comfort I grew up with, and something that to this day I naively hold onto. So, with a heart hungry for December's embrace, I found myself in a land plagued by constant June. I was trapped in a land surrounded by summer, desperately hoping for even a glimpse of snow. As my melancholy grew and depression set in I began to accept that my life would be only summers from here on. But wait, what's this?? A fresh blanket of the most pure and perfect optimism, staring through my window's thin pane and telling me, ''we told you we'd be back.''

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Welcome Back!!

This is the start of a brand new attempt at a blog that people may actually want to read.  I started out strong last time, but endud up sidetracked and all momentum was lost in an instant.  This time around, I am making full use of the mobile update abilities blogger provides, and since I always have my mobile...I will have no reason or inability to post.

In this blog there are four major types of posts:
      TRANsition-these are my journal entries written as honestly and sincerely as I can possibly muster.  They will talk mostly about my transition from male to female in a diary narrative.
      Working On It-these posts will feature projects that I am currently working on be they art, music, literary, or fashion related.
      Random Generation-these are the spur of the moment "thought this was funny" out of nowhere type posts.
      UNTITLED-these posts...which will probably appear the most often are updates sent from my mobile...they have no real defined subject matter, and will usually cover one of the three afore mentioned post categories.


Hopefully, with new tools at my disposal and a refreshing lack of direction or theme...this blog will become like a window into my life!! 

Here's looking at you, kid.

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